5 Ways to Thrive After a Divorce: How to get the best out of life?

/ REL Consultants (Roland Legge)/
5 Ways to Thrive After a Divorce: How to get the best out of life?

Even the best of divorces is not easy. If you do your work, you will come out of this time stronger, healthier and more confident.

Ending your relationship may feel like a chaotic time. The only way to release these intense feelings, thoughts and sensations are to move through them.

You are likely to feel sadness, anger, despair, hopelessness and confusion. One moment you will be happy, the next you will be crying.

You are not going crazy. This roller coaster of emotions is your pyche’s way to heal. You need to give yourself space to re-orient to the world without this person in your daily life.

Find safe spaces and people to allow yourself to feel the pain. Ignoring or avoiding the pain will only make it worse.

The more you try to ignore it or suppress it, the worse it is going to get.

You may feel peace for a moment, but those feelings will come back even more powerfully at inconvenient times.

You are not just grieving the loss of your relationship but what it could have been.

Most people take at least a year to move through this process, but many take longer. If you are feeling stuck, it would be wise for you to consider getting professional help.

Read More

Enneagram Type Three: The Creative Playful Achiever

/ REL Consultants (Roland Legge)/
Enneagram Type Three: The Creative Playful Achiever

The Enneagram and You

You are amazing, unique, and there is no one exactly like you!

You are given in the first few months of life, one of nine ways to survive in the world. Your personality type is critical for your survival. Your ego helps you to see yourself as separate and distinct from the people around you, even your parents.

Your ego gives you a framework to make sense of the world and keep you safe. The trouble begins when you come of age and don’t realize how much your fear of trying something new limits your freedom.

Each personality type is no better or worse than others. They are just different. Your type shows you where you are already stuck. Working with this fantastic tool helps you to break free of the limitations of your personality, helping you to become stronger in all nine types.

In this series of articles, I am going to take you on a journey through the nine Enneagram types. Remember, you have all nine types within you.

Read More

Nine Ways to Liberate your Inner Critic

/ REL Consultants (Roland Legge)/
Nine Ways to Liberate your Inner Critic

You have an inner critic, and it is never going to go away. The good news is that you can learn to quiet down this part of your self.

First, here is an introduction to the inner critic and the ego.

The inner critic is part of your ego. Your ego is there to help you differentiate yourself from others. It is the beginning of your growing self-awareness that separates you as a distinct person. Finding your own identity is essential for your survival.

Your inner critic wants to keep you safe. During your childhood years, It helps you to stay safe at a time in your life when you are vulnerable.

The trouble is that the inner critic tries to keep you safe by pressuring you to stay with the familiar. It will panic whenever you try something new.

When you become an adult, it is beneficial to notice when your inner critic is speaking. The voice of the inner critic is usually loud, impatient, abrasive and angry. The voice of your true self is typically gentle, persuasive and patient.

When you are aware that your inner critic is speaking, you then have the choice to ignore it and follow the voice of your true self. You have the option to invite your inner critic to help you be more constructive. You might ask it to let you know when you are getting stuck in fear.

Read More

Being a Better Human Being: Bringing out the best in each other at Christmas

/ REL Consultants (Roland Legge)/
Being a Better Human Being: Bringing out the best in each other at Christmas

Christmas can be stressful. The more stressed you become, the more miserable you get.  The more miserable you are, the less patient you are.

Ironically, Christmas is supposed to bring out the best in you, and yet sometimes it does the opposite.

Christmas celebrates the goodness of humankind.  It is a time to be generous, share your love, let go of resentments and give hope to the hopeless.

Do you put so many expectations on yourself? If you do, you are so busy; you have no time to quiet down and open yourself to the spirit?

To find joy again at Christmas, you first need to acknowledge how you feel about this time of year. If it brings you joy, you are on track. If it raises your blood pressure, it is time to make changes.

What are the essential qualities of Christmas for you? Here are some of the qualities that are important to me.  Check these out and see if they fit for you?

Read More

Perfectionist and Christmas (How to Survive)

/ REL Consultants (Roland Legge)/
Perfectionist and Christmas (How to Survive)

Christmas is supposed to be a joyful, happy season. Yet for many of us, it can be challenging.

Do you find it like a command performance when you must pretend to be full of joy? When you feel forced to lie to people about how you think, it makes you even worse.

You are not always going to be happy when Christmas rolls around every year.

If you are a perfectionist, you can feel extreme pressure at this time of year to have everything “perfect” for your family and friends. You think you need to host the perfect party, give the ideal gift, prepare the perfect Christmas dinner and keep your house in immaculate condition.

Here are five ways for the perfectionist to survive Christmas:

Read More

Seven Ways to Inner Peace After Divorce

/ REL Consultants (Roland Legge)/
Seven Ways to Inner Peace After Divorce

Going through a divorce is one of the most stressful events you can experience in life.  Even if you have come to a decision together, it is still hard.

It is hard because there is grief. Your dream of a lifelong relationship together has ended. Your expectation that your partner would be there for you for the rest of your life has come to an end.

If you have children, you are now a single parent. How are they going to thrive in this new, unfamiliar environment? Where are they going to live? How will they get to see both parents if it is safe?

Unless you can find a way to share the home you have been living in, you will have increased expenses as you and your partner will each need a place to live.

You have been saving up for some new clothes, a new car or a trip that you now must put on hold because of all the extra expenses.  

Your friendships are going to change. Some of the couples you used to enjoy company with may disappear from your life. Friends that you once new together may choose to only stay friends with your ex-partner.

Your favourite pet may go to live with your ex-partner. You will have to divide up all the contents of your home. It won’t be easy.

Here are seven ways to inner peace after a divorce:

Read More

4 Signs you are ready to move on after your divorce

/ REL Consultants (Roland Legge)/
4 Signs you are ready to move on after your divorce

No divorce is easy!  Even in the best circumstances, when you can both agree to the terms of the divorce it is still stressful.

Right after your divorce, you will need all the support you can receive.  Friends and family might be enough. But if you are having a hard time moving ahead you would benefit from psychological help.  There is no shame in getting help because this demonstrates your courage. 

No matter how you feel, take your time to work through the pain of ending your relationship.  It is time to focus on your own needs. 

Here are four signs you are ready to move on after your divorce:

Read More

11 Signs that you are in a good Relationship

/ REL Consultants (Roland Legge)/
11 Signs that you are in a good Relationship

Relationships are complex. If you want a good relationship, you and your partner need to be committed to making it work.

Being committed means, you need to take responsibility for keeping your own emotional, physical and spiritual health. You need to be one hundred percent responsible for your happiness.

You need a partner who is willing to be responsible for his issues.  He needs to be ready to keep himself healthy and stay committed to building a healthy and robust relationship with you.

There is nothing magical about getting married.  Getting married will enhance healthy relationships and make destructive relationships even worse.

There is no such thing as getting married and happily living ever after without intention and effort.

When you both walk your talk; you are likely going to have a harmonies relationship.  It takes time, patience, self-awareness and playfulness. You can make it happen. 

Here are nine signs that you are in a good relationship:

Read More

How to Cope with Life Transitions Even When They're Unexpected

/ REL Consultants (Roland Legge)/
How to Cope with Life Transitions Even When They're Unexpected

Change is the one constant in life. The more you can go with the flow the more natural change will be.  The more you try to stop change the more stressful it becomes.

Life is full of constant change. There are the changes we expect, such as moving from one level of education to another, our first date, marriage, first child, and retirement. Even these are not easy.

Whether or not the change is expected, the challenge is how to cope with life transitions

Read More

Nine Reasons Why You Have A Harsh Inner Critic According to The Enneagram

/ REL Consultants (Roland Legge)/
Nine Reasons Why You Have A Harsh Inner Critic According to The Enneagram

You have an inner critic!  It will never go away. 

You have a choice to stay in the control of your ego or risk following your inner instincts.

Your inner critic wants to be your friend. Your ego likes the status quo. Your inner critic wants you to keep to the familiar so it can stay in charge.

The secret is to begin to befriend your inner critic.  Let it know how much you appreciate its desire to keep you safe.  Reassure it that you are now an adult and can take good care of yourself.  Over time your inner critic will quiet down.

The Enneagram is an excellent psychological-spiritual map that can show you how your inner critic tries to control you.  Each personality type has a different message and relationship with the inner critic.  

Read More