The Top 3 Reasons Using the Enneagram For Couples  Builds Stronger Relationships

You want the best relationship possible with the person you love. You want to be heard, respected, and loved unconditionally.  Being heard, respected and loved is all possible if you are both committed to making it happen.

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Using the Enneagram for couples builds stronger relationships. First, it helps you to be more self-aware. It helps you to accept and love yourself.  It helps you to take 100% responsibility for your own behaviour. 

Taking responsibility for your own behaviour invites you to focus on what you are capable of changing. Remember the only person you can change is yourself.

Then it helps you to be more understanding of the person you love. It does this by giving you  language free from judgment to communicate with each other.

The troubles begin when you become a adult, and you are not aware of how our personality is limiting your choices in life.  If you don’t become conscious of how your personality is limiting your options, you are never going to find true satisfaction and happiness.

The Enneagram will help you notice how your personality is impacting you.  It will help you to become more conscious of your automatic behaviours.  

Once you learn to observe your behaviours in action you then have a choice if you want to continue them.

With new insights from your growing life toolkit you will have more options and choices than you ever thought possible.

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Here are the top three reasons the Enneagram for couples builds stronger relationships:

1.     Self Awareness:

The greatest gift of the Enneagram is that it helps you to see yourself as others experience you. 

The Enneagram helps you to see your strengths and growing edges (weaknesses) without self-judgment.

With the Enneagram, you discover all the protective walls you have put up around yourself over the years to keep you safe.  While they once may have been needed, the Enneagram will help you to let go of them.

The good news is that you have a depth of inner wisdom that is available to you in every moment. The Enneagram can help you to access your inner wisdom through your three brain centers the body, mind and heart.

You access the wisdom of your body through the sensations you experience. You access the heart through your emotions. Finally, you access your spiritual center through your quiet mind.

With practice, you can move into presence. When you are present you are neither living in the past or future.  You are open to what is going on in the moment.  You will simply know what you need to do.


2.     Understanding Your Partner:

Your partner will always remain a mystery and you will to him.  But with the help of the Enneagram you can get a glimpse of what it is like to be in his shoes.

You will begin to understand how your partner sees and experiences the world in different ways. Things which may seem obvious to you will not necessarily be for your mate.

Your partner is not trying to drive you crazy.  He is being himself. He sees the world differently than you do.  No one is better or worse than the other. You are often both right.

Over time you will grow in compassion for your partner. Each of us have our own struggles. Just because we find something easy doesn’t mean our partner will. 

For example, you might be extroverted and love to meet new people while your partner is introverted and quiet.  You will both need to find ways to honor each other.  You both need to get your needs met.

Each of the types have their strengths and growing edges. As you learn about each other’s types you gain insight into both your worlds.  As you gain  insights into your partner you are invited into a more profound compassion for the one you love.

Click Here to learn more about How to Use the Enneagram to foreshadow the Challenges You'll Have with Your Spouse

3.    Finding a Common Language:

The Enneagram gives you a common language to work through your challenges as a couple in a compassionate way. 

Working on your relationship through the Enneagram can help you to bring out your best as individuals and as a couple.

It is a great tool to help you to stay accountable to yourself and your partner.   

Discovering your type can help you partner to support you in your individual and growth as a couple.  First, you need to give each other permission give each other feedback. After giving each other permission let each other know what kind of language and actions will support you in your personal growth.

You both need to find compassionate and clear language to let each other know when either of you are getting caught in old stories. Your Enneagram type will help you and your partner to know what to look out for and what to encourage.

Be careful, the Enneagram is never to be used as a weapon. The Enneagram is intended to be used with gentleness, kindness and compassion.

Most importantly, your Enneagram type can help you to remain curious about what is going on in yourself and your partner.

 When you use gentle and open language you can invite your partner to go more in-depth into themselves and continue the process of letting go of fear, anger, and pain that is blocking them.

When you can remain grounded and open, you will be able to resolve any conflict with your partner because you are acting out of what is real rather than fear, irrational thought and control issues.

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The Enneagram can enhance your relationship because it calls upon both of you to build healthy relationships with yourself and the one you love.

It helps you to take one hundred percent responsibility for yourself in the relationship.

It helps you to build compassion for the one you love.  You learn to celebrate each others’ strengths and support each other in enhancing the parts of we that need strengthening.

The greatest gift of the Enneagram it helps you to do your personal work without judgment.  It helps us to grow as a couple without getting into fights as who is right or wrong.

Most of all the Enneagram will help you to bring out the best in each other.  It will give you the tools you and your love need to make your relationship so secure you will be able to overcome any issue that comes your way.


I am, Roland Legge, an Identity Coach here to help you build a healthy and robust relationship with the help of the Enneagram. You can join my private newsletter list for Free Monthly Advice and get Your Free Enneagram Test and sign up for a Free 30 Minute Discovery Call with my colleague Bryan.