Why Am I So Lonely? I Wanted My Relationship to End & Now I am Miserable

You were in a long-term relationship, and It did not have a happy ending.  You could not wait to end the relationship.  Now you are out of the relationship, and you ask yourself, why am  I so lonely.

It would help you to take the time to grieve the end of your relationship.  The longer you have been together, the longer it will take to grieve.  You are grieving for what could have been in your relationship and what you are going to miss.

Also, maybe you are grieving the end of friendships and family connections. There were other couples you used to hang out with when you were together, and it no longer feels comfortable to hang out with them.

Maybe you are grieving the dream of growing old together, and now you fear being alone. It is tempting to go back to the old life at times like this even though you know it would be disastrous.  

You need to give yourself time and space to heal.  Healing requires you to experience your grief. The more you try to avoid your suffering, the worse it will get.

While ending a relationship is painful, no matter how good or bad it was, you now have the opportunity to re-focus your life.

The good news is that you don't need to stay lonely and miserable.

Following Your Dreams:

If you could do anything, what would that be?  What dreams do you have for your life that have gone unanswered?   By following your dreams you will answer the question: why I am so lonely?

With the help of family, friends, counsellors, and coaches, begin to discern what you want to experience and achieve for the rest of your life. Brainstorm your ideas on a piece of paper. Figure out what are your top goals.  Then begin the process of figuring out how you can make your dreams come true.

Find your support Team:

Who do you know who can help support you on your journey? It would help to have people you trust. People who will be honest and compassionate and not afraid to hold you accountable for what you promised yourself you would do.

Want to Learn 5 Ways to Thrive After a Divorce: How to get the best out of life? Click Here

Love Yourself:

If you want to move ahead in your life, you need to honour and take care of yourself.  There are many ways to love yourself.  With time you will no longer need to answer the question: why am I so lonely.?

Make sure you get enough sleep so you are not tired. Eat tasty, healthy food that strengthens your body. Get plenty of exercises. Spend time with friends and family who help you to feel good about yourself.

Remember, you have great value for just being yourself. Your job is to show up in the best way you can every day.

Making it Happen:

Once you know the direction, you need to create a plan and put it into action.

Here are some questions you might want to answer:

1.      Do you need further education or training?

2.      How much money will you need to start your new venture

3.      Create a short term and long-term plan

4.      How will you know that you are on the right track?

Now it is time to set up short- and long-term goals.  What do you want to achieve in the next year and the next five years?

For your short-term goals, discern step by step what you want to achieve. Each step needs to be achievable. Do not try to do more than what you can do? You might want to break it down into daily and weekly steps. 

For long-term goals, you want to start dreaming about what you would like to achieve?  What kind of lifestyle do you desire?  How much money do you need to live your dreams?  What do you want your profession to be in five years? What do you want to do for fun?  Do you want to travel?  Would you like to get married again?

Make sure goals are doable.  They need to be challenging but not impossible. Keep your goals achievable.

 Who could you team up with?:

It would help if you had the wisdom, support, encouragement, and resources of other people to make your dreams come true.

Who are the people that can help you to find the tools you need to follow your dreams, whether that be a new job, a new home, a new car, a new hobby, make more friends, and the list goes on?

These are people that will be both encouraging and yet honest with you. They will know how to give you positive feedback. These are people that you fully trust.

 

Finding New Life Through the Enneagram:

The Enneagram is a great tool to help you start a new page in your life. It will help you uncover the answer to your question: why am I so lonely and show you a way out of your pain.

The primary purpose of the Enneagram is to help you to be present and open to learning from your inner wisdom.

Most Enneagram teachers believe that you are given one of nine ways to survive in the world early in life. Your Enneagram type represents the box you get stuck in.

By connecting with your inner wisdom, you can free yourself from your personality type's limitations and become stronger in all nine types.

With the help of the Enneagram, you can chart a new life that will give you greater joy, hope, purpose and satisfaction.

Want to Learn More About the Enneagram? Click Here

 Why am I so lonely?

 Be patient with yourself as you move through your grief. Gradually you will feel better as you start to feel hope and excitement about the new life you are creating.

It would help if you keep working through your grief with family, a religious leader, a counsellor, or a coach.  It is also a time to start building your new life.

Ensure you balance your days with work, getting chores done, time for recreation, hobbies and time with family and friends.  You can not do it all every day, but you can make sure you cover all these areas of your life over some time.

If you feel like you are struggling, do not be afraid to get professional help. Asking for help is a sign of courage and strength.

Gradually over the months ahead, you will find new life. One day you will wake up and realize that you have found joy again in your life.

With the help of friends, family and professionals, you will find your new direction. Your life will never be the same, but it will be a life worth living.

I am Roland Legge, an Identity Life Coach here to help you understand why you are lonely and what you can do about it.  You can join my private newsletter list for Free Advice and access your Free Online Enneagram Test