Relationships are complex. If you want a good relationship, you and your partner need to be committed to making it work.

Being committed means, you need to take responsibility for keeping your own emotional, physical and spiritual health. You need to be one hundred percent responsible for your happiness.

You need a partner who is willing to be responsible for his issues.  He needs to be ready to keep himself healthy and stay committed to building a healthy and robust relationship with you.

There is nothing magical about getting married.  Getting married will enhance healthy relationships and make destructive relationships even worse.

There is no such thing as getting married and happily living ever after without intention and effort.

When you both walk your talk; you are likely going to have a harmonies relationship.  It takes time, patience, self-awareness and playfulness. You can make it happen. 

Here are nine signs that you are in a good relationship:

1.      You love and respect yourself and each other:

Before you can have a good relationship, you need to respect yourself. 

Respecting yourself requires you to care for yourself mentally, physically, emotionally and spiritually.

Are you taking time to eat good food, exercise, take time to relax, enjoy meaningful work, have time for yourself, time with friends and family?

Are you following your dreams?  Are you doing things that bring you joy?  Are you facing your challenges and getting the help you need.

If you are treating yourself well, you are more likely to attract another person who is honouring themselves. When you treat yourself well, you increase your chances of having a healthier and happier relationship.

Two happy and healthy people coming together creates the conditions for a deep, lasting relationship.

Learn more how the Enneagram can help you help build a healthy relationship: Click Here

2.      You can be yourself with him:

A healthy relationship gives you all the space you need to be yourself.  You can let your guard down and not worry about upsetting your partner. You don’t have to watch what you say.  You have a deep trust between you. It feels safe.

3.      You have found an equitable way to share responsibilities:

Any good relationship requires a willingness both of you to share the duties of daily life.  It doesn’t mean you have to share everything. But it does mean that you need to ensure that the division of task feels fair to both parties.

If you are living together, it is helpful for you to come to a consensus on the cleanliness standards for your home. Acknowledge that you will have different standards.  Agree on what practice that will honour you both.

4.      You have shared friends and friends of your own:

Whether or not you are single, or in a relationship, you need friends. No human being can meet all our need even the person we think to be the most amazing friend in the world.

 It is excellent for you to have shared friends.  Often these will be couples — people whom you enjoy going on a date together.

 It is also essential to have your own friends.  Friends are not only there to have fun, but they can help you process issues that you may be having with your partner.

 Today it is not uncommon to have friends of the opposite sex. As long as the friendship has not moved from friend to lover you should have nothing to worry about. Something is seriously wrong if you can not trust your partner.

5.      You enjoy each others company:

Good relationships require time.  If you don’t take the time to build a strong relationship, conflicts will get out of hand.

You need to take time to talk so you can let each other know what is going on inside you.

You need time to play to bring out the inner child in you both.

You need time to build intimacy that is full of love, kindness, and respect.  Intimacy can never be forced!

You need to find activities that you both enjoy doing such as sports, hiking, walking, gardening, travelling and all sorts of things.

Enjoy time being with each other, even when you are doing different activities.

6.      You don’t take yourself too seriously:

A good sense of humour will bring you a long way. It helps you to observe the interactions between each other and laugh together instead of cursing each other.

When you experience conflict, a sense of humour can help you to rise above your differences of opinion.  It can help you to see the humanity within each other.

When you don’t take yourself too seriously, you are better able to see that most differences of opinion are not the end of the world. With calm minds, there are ways to work through the issue(s).

7.      You can communicate well with your partner:

Communications are always important. First, you need to sit together looking each other in the face to communicate. 

When we communicate, we don’t just do it with words we do it through our body language, our tone of voice and the energy we give off.

We gain insight on what others are going through by paying attention to the sensations, emotions and thoughts that come from within us. Our partners do the same with us.

Learn more about Enhancing Your Relationship: Click Here

8.      You can move through conflict without serious rows:

You are going to have conflict. Conflict happens every time there are differences of opinion.

Conflict doesn’t mean you have to have a loud fight. Disputes must be confronted in quiet ways looking for a solution that satisfies both.

A healthy relationship requires you to be open with each other when there are different points of view. You need to honour yourself.  Don’t give in quickly because you don’t like conflict. It is important to take time to find a solution that you can both live with.

9.      You can feel the energy and passion between you both:

Passion and excitement are important.  If you don’t feel energy drawing you toward your boyfriend, he might not be the right person for a mate.

10.  You make time for fun:

A relationship without fun will run into trouble quickly.  What do you enjoy doing together? 

Some of you like to plan while others like spontaneity.  If you having trouble finding the balance, try planned spontaneity. Then pick one of you to surprise the other with a night out or at home.

The important thing is that you take the time to enjoy being together.

11.  You support each other to be your best:

The greatest gift we can give each other in a relationship is the promise to bring out the best in each other.

Bringing out the best in each other means helping your loved one to follow their dreams, even it makes life convenient for you.

It means challenging your loved one with kindness if you see them getting into trouble. 

Maybe you sense they are getting depressed. Perhaps your partner is sick, and he is not going to the doctor.  So, you might need to insist they get some help.

Maybe you see them in a job that is sucking the life out of them. A loving response would be to encourage them to find a job that suits them better.

 Maybe they have a dream that they are scared to try.  Give your loved one the gift of encouragement.

 It is allowing your partner to do the same for you.

If you start a relationship when you are emotionally, physically, mentally and spiritually healthy, you are more likely to attract another healthy person.

Two healthy people coming together will bring out the best in each other. 

You will know you are in a good relationship because you will feel comfortable being yourself.

You will know you are in a good relationship because you laugh lots together, not taking yourself or your loved one too seriously.

 You know you are in a good relationship because you can work through conflict without a fight. 

Conflict will not frighten you.  Conflict will encourage you to deepen your relationship by increasing your trust in each other.

You will have good times together with each other and with friends.

You will still have time for time alone and time with your friends.

You will feel a joy that you never dreamt was possible.

I am, Roland Legge, an Identity Coach here to help have better relationships that bring out the best in you.  You can join my private newsletter list for Free Monthly Advice, and/or get your Free Online Enneagram Test.