Why It's Totally Normal To Be Angry At Life After A Divorce (And How To Start To Let It Go)

Going through a divorce is tough, even when done compassionately.  

All your emotions are close to the surface, and you are angry at life.  You expected to be in this relationship until death.

You are grieving what could have been.  You are losing your partner with who you could share your day.  It feels so lonely now.

It now feels awkward to go out with couples who you used to hang out with together. Over time you will discover who you are, your real friends.

You are responsible for everything in your household.   It is easy to feel overwhelmed.

Childcare is now a lot more complicated. You suddenly find yourself as a single parent; you are exhausted.  You are embarrassed to ask for help.

You are feeling angry at your spouse and probably mad at yourself.  You ask yourself, why did I put up with the behaviour of this person for so long? What did I do wrong?  Why didn't I see this coming months ago? 

If there were an affair by one of you, feelings of betrayal would magnify your emotions even more.  You will feel angry, enraged, hurt, sad and disappointed.  You will have many reasons to be angry at life.  

Moving through a divorce into new life takes time. The only way to move through this tumultuous time is to experience your sadness, hurt, anger and disappointments. Hiding from your pain is only going to make it worse in the long run. 

How to create a safe space for you to process your sensation, emotions, and thoughts?

Find a friend or family member you trust.

 Make time to share what is going on for you.  It would help if you had someone who will listen and honour your story. You do not want a person who wants to fix you and make everything okay. 

Journal:

Writing is a great way to get all your feelings, sensations and thoughts out in the open.  Journaling is a safe place for you to express your anger, sadness, disappointments and fears and is a great way to get out into the open how you are feeling angry at life.

Want to learn about five ways to thrive after Divorce? Click Here

Exercise:

Stretching your muscles and strengthening your heart will help you know what your body is trying to tell you. Your body can tell you what you are experiencing now, and your body is less likely to lie than your thoughts or emotions. Find an exercise that you enjoy, such as yoga,  walking, running, tennis or whatever you like.

Self Care:

  Make time for yourself.  Read a good book, watch a favourite movie, go for a massage, listen to your favourite music, cook yourself healthy, delicious meals. Share a meal with a friend, whether at home or a restaurant.  Take a long hot bath.

Learn the Enneagram:

The Enneagram is an excellent tool for personal transformation. When you discover your Enneagram type, one of nine possibilities, you will learn to better connect with your three centers of intelligence. The three centres of intelligence include the body (sensations), heart (emotions) and head (thoughts).  

The Enneagram will help you to catch yourself when you are stuck in the limitations of your ego.  It will help you to be your best. It will show you a path to healing and new life after your divorce.

Want to learn more about the Enneagram? Click Here

Get Professional Help:

There is no shame in seeking professional help.  You must find a person you can trust.  When you meet a person for the first time, interview them to make sure they are right for you.

There are many different types of coaches and counsellors and other therapists available to help you. If you are in the midst of a divorce, you might want a coach or counsellor who is an expert in helping people through the divorce.  When you move on after a divorce, you might want a person who can help you to name and discover what you want to focus on in the next chapter of your life.

Professional coaches, counsellors, and psychologists can help you understand why you are feeling angry at life and help you find a path towards healing.

Forgiveness:

 Most people misunderstand forgiveness.  Forgiveness is all about choosing not to allow the negative experience you had with your spouse to impact future relationships.

There are religious leaders, counsellors, coaches and other professionals to help you.

Forgiveness does not expect you to say what happened to you was okay. Any form of violence is never acceptable. 

Holding on to your anger and disappointments will only poison future relationships.  

Moving through your divorce takes love and courage.  If you do it well, it will benefit you and help your ex, your children, and all the many people who love you both.

Right after your divorce, it is normal to be angry at life.  Your relationship with the person with who you expected to grow old together is coming to an end. 

The ending of your relationship is indeed a hard time, but it is also an excellent opportunity to renew your life. 

Learning to connect with your inner world will help you discern how the next step in your life will look. What are your dreams that you have not turned into action yet? What do you want to continue?  What do you want to change?

After your divorce is a time to make yourself number one.  The more you make sure that you are meeting your own needs, the better you will care and support those you love and serve.

I am Roland Legge, an Identity Life Coach here to help you move from feeling angry at life to feeling hopeful and excited about your life ahead.  You can join my private newsletter list for Free Advice and access your Free Online Enneagram Test